if you like me you must not know who I am
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
