i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
