she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
