It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
