she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
