I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
