i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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