somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
