Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Pappa wants mamma naked
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I understand Curling. That high.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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