At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hippo gnu deer
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
