If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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