just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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