____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
