The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
