The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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