i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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