I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
