I'm drive I can fine osifer
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
