I just cut my nipple shaving
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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