Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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