She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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