Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
