she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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