either way he was missing a nipple.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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