I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
