I'm so fucking centered right now
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
