At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
