I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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