You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
