She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Someone came in the potted fern
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I love you.
Bad choice
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
