My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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