your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
