just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
