Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
