You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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