put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
