I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize