he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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