we made out on top of his cat.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the day after is always just damage control
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
