McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
