I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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