3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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