Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
