I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
