the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
