you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize