I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
