I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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