I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Houston, we have a squirter
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
