Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize