we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
