i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
