It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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