somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
