gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
