he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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