Non-Jews are for practice
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize