i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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