She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Your cock deserves a montage
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize