I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize