i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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