dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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