i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
