There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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