What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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