Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
