I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
