Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
