Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
