Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
