Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
