you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize