so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you win again, gameday.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
