why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
