i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize