arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he shaved USA in his pubs
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
