good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize