You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Less talking, more tequila
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
