Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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