Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
