So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
