the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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