Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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