I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
