i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so let's talk penis.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
