I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize